Close and Personal


I've been moving a few years ago. Feels like it's just been yesterday. Frozen in time. That's how i feel about it. But at that certain point of time it seemed to me like a good idea. There had been a death in the family and it was time for a change. Time for something new.

Old rabbit, new tricks? You better guess again. No new beginnings, just old things ending. But some of them had been good for me, had been my anchor in life. I lost contact to my social surroundings, to my friends, to my relatives, even those that were close. I ended up being depressed. Couldn't work any more, couldn't even think clearly.

Wasn't the first nasty twist of fate for me. As a lot of people i went into military service after school. After that i went to university. The future seemed bright. But when i was working on my master's degree i started to get sick … really sick. I was told it was a autoimmune disorder. They later called it a barrier disorder. It wasn't curable they said. Many years later i heard a few theories about an explosion of autoimmune disorders since the 80s. They said it was related to an exposure with glyphosate or microplastic. Now guess how i feel about those things.

I went outside, taking hikes in nature, trying to get my head clear. All i saw was human waste. We turned nature into a dump. I wanted to do something about it. A spontaneous thought. Easier said than done. Bit that's like itis. You stand alone. Where to start? Had to talk with local officials, forest rangers, waste disposal firms. I was at a loss.

Even got myself a 4 by 4 vehicle. Had been a personal dream of mine anyway. And it was for a good reason. At least that's what i told me. I really had the wish to put things right, to do some good. Start collecting the whole trash. Would've been a good start. But i wasn't in the right state of mind. I was depressive. I was unable to reach out which would've been necessary to get things done. What am i to do with all that collected trash? Can't get it recycled on my own.

Nothing happened at all. Because i was alone. Talked to no one about it. Until now. Then came Corona and things became worse. That's how i felt about it. I felt like being in prison especially during the lockdowns. Of course it was a prison of my own making. But there was some things positive about it: Isolation gives you the time to think things over.

I want to be free. I need to reach out. That's what i'm doing right now. Take my hand. I hope it works. Together we can still do a lot of good. There's so much to do. Maybe that's what wants me to take out to the sea, to the ocean. I want to find freedom and a goal in life. A good reason to live. I hope you can relate.


PS: Just saw an ad by the german BKK, which is an organisation comparable to FEMA. You might've heard about the Ahrtal flooding disaster. Now they're trying to arise public interest for their online app with some silly cartonish advertisement looking like a bad clone of 'Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs'. This is the state of our nation. We have to take action into our own hands.


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